Scottish ballad:

Why does your brand sae drap wi' bluid
Young Edward, oh young Edward?

Sometimes, however, a Haggis's digital watch stops because the battery is empty. If this happens the Haggis no longer knows which way to march when he wakes up.

So he chooses a direction at random (like a British government whose clock has run down).

50% of the haggises then try to circumambulate Ben Nevis anti-clockwise. After a few steps they lose their balance, fall down and break their necks.

In the valley the haggis collectors are waiting with huge plastic sacks and cut the throats of the poor haggises.

Hence the famous Scottish ballad: 'Why does your brand sae drop wi' blude?' [Why does your sword so drip with blood]). The rest, as Hamlet says, is gastronomy.

By the way, no haggis ever dies 'in bed'. Every haggis dies, if at all, because its watch has stopped.

You can easily check the truth of our description if you go to Scotland, where these are facts that every child learns at school in biology classes.